Standing tall on the sea wall
I have a cognac colored pair of boots.
Would it be overkill to get a dark brown pair AND a black pair?
Squashed our heads
I am now more confident than ever when I go shopping and look for clothes (online that is). I feel as if I know some semblance of my style!
I’m sure this will change in the real world because I’ll have so many options I’ll freak out but I’m making progress and that is uber exciting.
So, I haven’t done a DAPS in so long but this one is a good one, I can feel it; I have quite a bit to say to you guys.
Let’s start with closet confidence. What do I mean by that? Well, I’ve been slowly beefing up my closet and making things happen. I have discovered some semblance of a personal style and what I’m really excited about in this whole venture is I realized how much I truly love button-downs. Like a button-down is a solution to anything. Button-downs go with everything! I also have a few different developments with clothing and confidence in that area. I have a down pact everyday look for make up that combines Au Natty and Skunk! I feel powerful bitches! POWERFUL. My closet is still a work in progress but I’m getting there. My shoe collection has gotten better, I actually just got:
- cognac boots
- snow boots
- new black flats
- new navy blue canvas (ked-like) shoes
Getting used to it. Getting used to what? My perceived attractiveness, see I can’t even take full acceptance of my newly found attractiveness. I honestly can’t even accept that idea. I know I’ve said or mentioned I feel like I’ve entered a pretty spurt this year. A pretty spurt being the same as a growth spurt except with prettiness….what? What am I even saying? I can’t handle this topic. Just know I’ve gotten a tiny bit better at accepting compliments and I feel some semblance of being mildly attractive to the opposite sex. BAM, TADAM, DAS IT DAS ALL. Not coming back to this topic.
Ohhhh, this is a hefty one. Let me start by saying I believe in love, I’m just not sure if I believe in it for myself. I know I’m 20 and know nothing since I’ve never had a serious relationship but hear me out. I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t really believe in love…or more so I’ve been disillusioned about the L word. It’s too much at stake. You’re risking trust, yourself AND your feelings….what? I don’t get how I could even place myself within that context. I am a rather selfish personality and though i’m trying to better myself and stop that ridiculousness, I just see it hard for me to potentially lay all that on the line in the hands of a stranger. Not only that but I feel like love it artificial and fake…? I don’t know if fake is the right word but it’s more like I don’t trust it…love that is. I don’t trust it to take care of me because I want to take care of me, how am I going to sacrifice myself up to something that is abstract? Sure it’s pretty and fun (I guess) to talk about but I’m not sure at all really.
This disillusion about love and all that that topic entails also realtes to how I’ve been disillusioned about someone I thought was damn near perfect. Doesn’t that suck? When you think someone is the bees knees and you realize they are human like you? Damn. Way to come down from “cloud 9” huh? It’s nice thinking someone is some other worldly godly perfect but having that taken away from you is rough…
AH WELL! back to twerk team practice! But really guys, love…no…I’m not buying it. I can’t wrap my head around the concept that two people are working symbiotically to keep the other from getting hurt and being as happy as they can be. I know I am one to harp about how inherently good people are but I don’t trust people. That’s a delicate balance, I know. I don’t trust anyone to be good and protect my own feelings, that’s for me to do. That’s for me and only me to do. Why should I even look to have someone else do that for me? Does that make sense even for a second? Nope, not to me at least. My sister told me not to be disillusioned and that if I were elsewhere (a city) I’d find love already. It’s not even about having a significant other though, it’s just that I feel like I could never afford to put myself on the line for someone to take care of my emotional, mental and (sometimes) physical health…I’ve been taking care of that for years by myself (with the exception of mum). It comes down to this:
I don’t and can’t trust anyone to take care of my heart the way I can. I’m too introverted and secretive for something like that.
Call it sad or what have you but I can’t…I can’t.
I went extreme window shopping after work and realized I know where my style is going. Everything I chose was cohesive with a proper wardrobe I’m trying to build.
And as I said before, I won’t buy unless I can imagine like 4 or 5 other outfits to make from the piece I’m buying :)
These aren’t necessarily going to be where i’ll get these items but they’re perfect examples of what I’m looking for:
- white/black tees (walmart!)
- silk/dressy blouse (1, 2, 3)
- little black dress (1, 2)
- camisole (1, 2, 3, 4)
- boots (brown or black)
- canvas shoes
- black flats (maybe nude, and maybe white)
- snow boot
- some kind of heel